A woman in upstate New York has been sentenced to 23 years in prison for killing her boyfriend with antifreeze-laced margaritas. It’s gotten me wondering — maybe that metallic taste in my mother’s matzoh ball isn’t vitamins.
My mother's always had me by the balls
A Florida grandma was arrested for trying to sell her grandson. Tip-off she wasn’t Jewish? She thought there was enough money in the world to buy her grandson! Bubbeh may be smothering, but chintzy with the grandkids she is not!
I wouldn't want to eat her Matzoh balls
My daughter still can’t get that nudnik she’s been dating for seven years to buy her a rock, and yet some starving Indian has 2000 of them — in his stomach?
Crazy world, no?
I imagine he just ate a few of these
Are you kidding me? An Israeli Tea Party rallying against Barack… Obama?! Outrageous. Not because of the politics, though. Have you ever had Israeli tea? Tastes like the Dead Sea. Not good. Not at all good.
Maybe they could be the mint lemonade party?
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Barack Obama, dead sea, Israel, politics, tea, tea party
So Harry Reid is fixing an election in the desert? Well, it’s not admirable… but it does have some precedent. I remember a certain white-haired leader who handed out pre-engraved electoral tablets. Moshe, I’m looking at you!
Honor thy father and legalize thy marijuana?
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged bible, election, Harry Reid, marijuana, Moses, Nevada, politics
So, apparently in Clint Eastwood’s version of the afterlife, there are shadowy figures hanging out in light… because that sounds like a good time.
Say what you want about Muslims, but their afterlife virgin party doesn’t need New Age backlighting.
Ain't no party like an afterlife party because an afterlife party don't stop.
Last month, we chided the Queen of All Media for her continued insistence on dispatching audiences to the four corners of the earth — and warned her to stay clear of the promised land.
So what did she do?
The Oprah honed in on the holy of holy lands — the Daily Show studio audience. And if that weren’t enough, she’s flying them to what was supposed to be Jon Stewart’s rally. That’s right, once again, a black person has co-opted a Jewish movement with all her media money.
Can’t we all just get along?
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged D.C., Daily Show, Holy Land, Jon Stewart, Oprah, politics, Stephen Colbert
Did you hear the one about the Chilean miner who was rescued only to have his wife attack him, because the whole mishegas let her discover his mistress? And just when you though the vengeful Old Testament G-d had been Kabbalah-ed out of existence!
Welcome back, Hashem, let’s go stone some disobedient children.
¡Ay dios mio!
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged adultery, Chile, Hashem, Kabb, miner, mishegas, Old Testament, South America
Is it really necessary, Nobel Committee, to remind me once a year of how I’ll never really make my mother proud?
Mother, meet Andre Geim, discoverer of graphene, son of your heart.
White, billowing smugness
Ashton and Demi have decided to take off to Israel to distract from rumors of Ashton’s infidelity. Because no one’s ever been unfaithful in the Holy Land.
Note to all would-be Bathsheba’s: Cover up. Demi will twittersmack you.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Ashton Kutcher, Batsheba, Demi Moore, Holy Land, Israel, twitter
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