Is it really necessary, Nobel Committee, to remind me once a year of how I’ll never really make my mother proud?
Mother, meet Andre Geim, discoverer of graphene, son of your heart.
The woman with the world’s largest breast — so large that she had to leave Texas, where everything is bigger, and head to Brazil, where everything is legal — had them removed. Apparently, she was unable to battle the host of health problems they caused.
Lame.
Quitting during Holy Week? Something tells me she’s going to be on the big guy’s naughty list this year.
L'shana tovah tikata-boob
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged boobs, Brazil, doctors, Holy Week, plastic surgery, Rosh Hashanah, Texas
While accepting her Emmy, The Good Wife actress announced, “This is so good for my career.” Ms. Panjabi, you might want to take it down a notch. Trust us.
When the outsiders who are good at math not only get ahead but celebrate it — that’s when the pogroms start.
All this kvelling and she's not even a doctor
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Archie Panjabi, Awards, doctors, Emmy, kvell, math, pogrom, The Good Wife, tv
How could three little letters be so awesomely annoying?
After years of giving doctors something to know more about than the rest of us, now DNA is trying to claim Hitler was Jewish.
That’s right — annoying and anti-Semitic. Shame on you, deoxyribonucleic acid.
Don't look at me all innocent
What?!
No one told us about this!
I could have skipped all that organic chemistry mishegas and still gone to med school? Does anyone want to buy my butcher shop? I need tuition money!
I sincerely hope he didn't learn anatomy in art history...
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged chemistry, college, doctors, mishegas, New York Times
So, Vanessa whatshername-shehadthatsong has come out as bisexual, riding the coattails of the True Blood blonde. But as neither seem to be in relationships with women (and the latter is apparently engaged to her male co-star), it all looks like a plea for attention.
As I told my grandson Erich — I don’t care you’re a faygelah, but I don’t love you because you’re a faygelah. I love you because you’re a doctor.
One girly crush does not a lesbian identity make -- just as one almost hit song does not a pop star make.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Anna Pacquin, bisexual, doctors, faygelah, gay, lesbian, True Blonde, Vanessa Carlton
Yes, Jerry Seinfeld has made about a billion dollars off of Yid jokes.
No, you won’t.
This is knowledge that every Jewish parent needs to impart. It is, in fact, the responsibility of every mameh and tateh to shame little Gerald into going to medical school… or dental school… or even podiatry school. He needs a profession!
You should not be filling him with pipe dreams and putting him on YouTube.
More trustworthy than WebMD... according to my mother.
A new bit of scary science – and we can’t even blame doctors for this one!
Nope, IT worker Maria Clynes is the one letting us know we better lay off the slivovitz if we want to keep the bloodline going.
Personally, I’m not changing a thing. I think I’d need the booze to get through the hot flashes.
Gerard Butler may be good-looking, but last I checked, he’s no proctologist. A good Jewish girl only lets doctors examine her.
Wait, Jennifer Aniston isn’t Jewish. But Rachel Green was. And Monica Geller was even more Jewish. Probably the Jewiest name ever on a sitcom — and she was played by Courtney Cox — another Gentile. No wonder they never had the special Simchat Torah episode. Oy.
10 years later, Friends continues to annoy…
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged Courtney Cox, doctors, friends, Gerard Butler, Jennifer Aniston
An apple a day puts my son-in-law out of business.
Dear organic-gobbling, bikram breathing yuppies:
It’s one thing for you to take the Kabbalah away from us, but now, you’re co-opting the classic occupation for Jews who do just enough to please their mothers.
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